I was terribly scared of ladies; terribly. Having grown up in a conservative home; I become uncomforatble near and around women. My parents started our early lives from a strictly religious angle. A student of Ahmadu Bello University Zaria, I chose more of the fanatical side to faith. Yet deep within me, the longing for romance was real but buried.
Many view the ongoing Asuu strike as a distress period but this same strike is giving me another dimension to view life. The date was December 10, when I finally returned home in Bariga Lagos down casted. ASUU has yet declared another strike. My heart bled because being at home because of an industrial action causes much trauma for my aged parents. They don’t say it but I know it. The quest to reap from what they are sowing is further delayed.
December 12, at around 3:30; i stepped out to buy recharge card when I saw this young innocent lady adjusting her veil as she walked towards the mosque. She was oblivious of anyone looking at her and I was careful not to stare too much. Lagos is an unconventional place where staring at a lady means nothing; more so Bariga. I am viewed by the few around as a deeply religious person but on this issue I sort to differ. I estimated her age then to be between twenty to twenty-two; average height, big eyes and oh God; big boobs. When it is big, it is big even under a veil
My challenge; everyone groups me as part of the deeply conservative religious group even back home. This girl is definitely not up for marriage and neither was i. What then in the conservative world is a lion and meat doing together? She walked passed me without a glance to the side; that in itself was a turn-on. I love women who aren’t everywhere, looking everywhere. A woman who behaves as though she is unconcerned about everything around her, except that which she chooses to.
My dilemma; I have never approached a woman for the sole reason of relationship. In fact, talking with the female folks, I will rather look at my feet or over her shoulder. Slightly my voice will tremble if the conversation requires a few more sentences. That evening, I stood 30 meters away from the mosque I saw her enter hoping she honors the late night prayers. Would I approach her; NO because I can’t but a second glance at her was all I desired. For the entire prayer period, I observed all that came but she didn’t.
For the next days; I prayed every single prayer at that mosque but never came across her. This created undesired tension in me. Deep within me, I knew I couldn’t approach her even if I wished to and none of the folks around me can. They all assume I would talk to a lady only for marriage purpose when I am ready. I resorted to our tenant neighbor; Alex. He is much older than me but accords me the highest respect for being an undergraduate. To him I can have anything I want; anything.
He is not typically the kind of person I would roll with because of his lifestyle. He had different women sleeping over at his place and to me it was enough sacrilege to have a woman sleep over. With my room closest to his, I sometimes eavesdrop wordings and mourning over the night especially when the power is off. There was this particular night when the lady mourned uncontrollably loud that I too got fully aroused. Her voice and plea for more kept me bulging and as he offloaded so did i. I felt so ashamed of myself for taking medication on another man’s headache.
The next morning, Alex and I exchanged pleasantries as usual but I was keen to view the lady on whose behave I had jerked off. Soon she came out with a wrapper tied for her bath. My God , she was beautiful. How on earth was Alex able to get these beautiful girls and keep them apart. As she walked pass Alex who just came out from brushing his teeth. I wondered what could be going through their minds. Don’t they remember and feel shy for what they did a night before. They carried out jokingly and teasing each other I began to get a bulge again underneath. Quickly, I left the scene to avoid impending embarrassment.
Alex came back from the bakery where he works meeting me outside. Little did he know he was the reason I sat pretending to be reading. “Welcome bro” I said feeling awkward. He too must have felt so because of the look on his face and a grin. The word “welcome” was customary but the word “bro” was a slang that caught him off-guard. My greatest area of respect for Alex is his maturity. Though with only a secondary school certificate as I would later come to know; he was bold and mature. “Bro, how now?” he responded too and sat next to me. For the first time, I wondered what has brought me and this guy to such proximity. He had in-depth knowledge about lots of things and I discovered he has a drive and a focus. In that short conversation, I learnt from Alex how much we need to judge less. He had a story and I concluded he was an achiever to be where he is at.
Less than a week, I had unfolded much about Alex and his way of life. Gradually, I was drifting. To him, women needed just three things: dress nice and be presentable, confidence and give them attention. I was surprised at how much of my real self I was giving away. My real self would have sought to admonish him on his many SINs. Till date, I wonder why he had momentum over me.
When I finally got the courage to tell him about my crush, I was perplexed at his response. Despite the fear and uncertainty I exhibited before telling him, he made it look too simple “Tell her” he said. My religious armory suddenly came up. To me he was commanding me to sin, to me it was as though he was telling me to lay with her and making it look so simply. The maturity of Alex is still one of the greatest I have encountered; he is good at body language and quickly realized my incapacities.
Through Alex, I had a different outlook to life not just about women. He believes life is all about timing and we all should wait for our time. He also believes life is unfair; handing some people almost everything and some people almost nothing. Alex believes he has a right to enjoy life and there I realized how little he cared about what people say. On women, he said the reason many failed with women is because they take things too serious. “Be simple and natural” he would say.
On the eve of Christmas, I finally got to know the house of the girl I saw on the 12th. Hurriedly I told Alex on his arrival from his job. He smiled and said “ok, that’s good”. For the first time, I felt weak. He might not have realized it but he made me feel I was overwhelmed by youthful exuberance. “You talk to her tonight” he added sending down adrenaline down me. I suddenly felt I was to climb Kilimanjaro. “Tonight!” he re-emphasized and went into his room.
Two things worried me the most: what will people say and again what will people say. “Just go out there and assume you are talking to someone who has already said YES. You must know that women have no issues with a guy unless he brings it upon himself”. There and then I made up my mind to abort the mission. What will I say, what if she hisses and walks out on me, “what if” kept coming up in thousand folds. I wanted Alex to go with me and do the talking. I wanted him to sell me well to her but it seems upon all of our alliance he is letting me fail all alone. My parents have noticed my new closeness with Alex but they assumed I must be guiding him on ways of life. This guy has failed me. I won’t be going anywhere I concluded within. “Are you not coming with me” I asked. “You don’t need me when you are talking to your friend, I can escort you to her if you insist” he added. He must have noticed the frustration on me.
To be continued…