We meet different people everyday, directly or indirectly. Toxic people are everywhere. They’re in our class, in religious groups, ifamily, just waiting to cause havoc in your life.
We’ve all come across them at one point or another in our lives. The fellow student who gets on your nerves, the friend who always has a drama they want to involve you in, the difficult room mate, or the lecturer who wears you out every time you see or speak to them.
But how can you spot a toxic person? And how do you deal with their toxicity?
Signs of a Toxic People
•Toxic people love to talk about themselves or just hear themselves talk. They don’t ask you any questions, they don’t wait for your responses and they won’t stop talking. They keep interrupting you and won’t let you say a word. Respecting the boundaries of others comes naturally, the toxic person thrives on violating them.
•Toxic people are manipulative. They try to get people to do what they want them to do, It’s always about them. They use other people to accomplish their goals everytime. They have difficulty having points on certain issues, perhaps they’re not interested in your point of view or trying to reach an amicable conclusion.
•Toxic people try to control you. They want to control everything and everyone around them. They want to be in charge of what you do, what you say, and even what you think. The toxic look for ways to control others, they get angry when you disagree with them and won’t stop trying to convince you that they are right and you should do what they say. They make you choose them over someone else, or something they want over something you want.
•Toxic people are incredibly jealous, they have so much internal self-hate that they can’t be happy for anyone around them. And typically, their jealousy comes out as judgment, criticism or gossip. According to them, everyone else is awful, uncool or lacking in some way.
•Toxic people don’t take responsibility. Part of their mentality comes from a desire to avoid responsibility. They take no responsibility for their own feelings. Rather, their feelings are projected onto you. If you try to point out their flaws, they will likely vehemently defend their perspective, and take no responsibility for almost anything they do.
•Toxic people aren’t honest. It’s exhausting to have a toxic deceiver in your life. Whether they tell little falsehoods or major lies, it’s impossible to trust a liar. Blatant and repeated patterns of dishonesty.
•Toxic people are always right, they don’t apologize. They don’t see any reason to apologize because things are always someone else’s fault. They find ways to be right even when they’re not. They rarely admit when they messed up, they try to gain sympathy and attention by claiming “victim” status.
•Toxic people love to be victims. They play the victim in every situation. They seek to find ways to feel oppressed, put down and marginalized in ways they clearly are not. This might take the form of excuses, rationalizations, passing the buck.
•Toxic people make you defend yourself always. Their tactics may include being vague and arbitrary, as well as diverting the focus of the discussion to how you’re discussing an issue, your tone, your words and body language. They focus on problems, not solutions.
•They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you. They criticise you, what you’ve done, and what you didn’t do. Whenever good things happen to you, the attention lingers them from focusing on their own lives.
•They want you to feel sorry for them, and responsible for what happens to them. They only want your empathy, sympathy and support but not your advice. You offer help and solutions, but they never seem to want to fix anything. Once you’ve helped them with one crisis, there’s inevitably another one. They complain instead of looking for solution and thrive in a crisis because it makes them feel important.
•Toxic people change their perspective, attitude, and behavior depending on what they feel they need to accomplish. Sometimes you need a hand, and sometimes your friend does but not with the toxic person, they’re often there to take what they can get from you, as long as you’re willing to give it. They know how to be kind when they want something from you.
Dealing with Toxic People
Getting rid of toxic people isn’t always easy. They don’t respect your boundaries now, so it’s likely they won’t respect them later. They might come back even after you tell them to go away. You might have to tell them to leave several times before they finally do. So keep in mind that distancing yourself is a gradual process.
You don’t owe them any explanation. Tell them how you feel, which is a subject not open for debate. Tell them calmly and kindly that you don’t want them in your life anymore, and leave it at that. You’re not trying to strife the person into leaving you alone. This isn’t a negotiation. You can, however, make it less and less attractive for them to keep bothering you.
Don’t argue with them, just restate your boundaries. It’s tempting to argue or fight with them, that is precisely what toxic people do, they get on your nerves. If they do return, make a promise with yourself to avoid an argument. Firmly restate your boundaries, then end communication
As we all gear up for full resumption, make it a point of call to avoid the toxic relationships that have caused you pain, limited your capabilities and insecured you in 2018. Keep new boundries and remember you OWE yourself HAPPINESS.